Would You Date You?
We all have expectations when it comes to relationships, and that’s a good thing! It’s those expectations that keep us from abusive or unhealthy environments. But, if you have high expectations for those you date, and you don’t meet those expectations yourself, then you are setting yourself up for relationship failure. If you’re looking to meet “The One,” then you must first be “The One!” Here are three questions to ask yourself to discover if “you would date you.”
What Are Your Expectations?
Think about your personal expectations for a relationship. They likely include finding a Christian who shares your similar faith and values, but what else are you looking for? Do you need to find a partner who listens to you after a long day? Are you looking for someone who unconditionally supports you no matter what? Would you require your partner ditch a night out with their friends if you had a personal emergency? Write down your top five expectations from a romantic partner and then think about how you have treated your partners in the past. Do you give the same amount of effort that you require from your mate? If the answer is no, or if you’re uncertain, you may need to bring something greater to the table in a future relationship.
What Do You Bring To The Relationship?
Think about what you bring to the relationship, not what you get from it. While you’re writing down your top five expectations from a partner, continue by writing down the top five best aspects of dating you! This may feel like bragging at first, but this is a good way to discover what you bring to a relationship. Perhaps you are a good listener, or maybe you’re always quick with a joke; dig deep and uncover what makes you special. Once you have your five traits written down, it’s assessment time. Do your traits match your expectations for a partner? If you require a partner who supports you unconditionally, but you won’t do the same, then you have some work to do. If that’s the case, the good news is you’ve just become aware of where you can improve yourself in order to find a healthy, loving relationship in the future.
What Can You Do To Ensure You Meet Your Own Expectations?
Does your pride sometimes get in the way of a relationship? Practice letting go of the arguments you know don’t really matter. “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2. Are you quick-tempered in relationships? If so, pay attention to what angers you easily and try to stay calm when the anger is unnecessary. According to James 1:20, "...our anger does not produce righteousness that God desires." Or, are you a person who is often jealous? “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Proverbs 14:20. Jealously is not healthy for any relationship and you wouldn’t want to date someone who questioned your every motive, so why would you do the same to them?
If you’ve found you don’t measure up to your own personal expectations yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t make changes to meet those expectations. And once you do, you will have a greater chance at experiencing one of the greatest gifts God has to offer us, the gift of caring and committed relationship.
After writing down your expectations for those you date and examining what you bring to a relationship, consider where there is room for you to grow as a mate. What is required of you in order to match the qualities you are looking for in “The One?” Write down three ways that would make you a better romantic partner and then practice those traits every day. Pray to God for help if you find you are having trouble and let him guide you on your way to finding “The One.”