I am a single, female 47 year old who never married. In 2011 I left my fiancé of six years; it was very hard and I gave up a lot, but I gained so much love, peace and forgiveness from the word of God. I am ready to date and wish to be married. I have recently joined ChristianMingle and now my ex is starting to come around- He calls and texts regularly. I want my ex as my husband; however, I do not want to block what God has for me. Pastor can you tell me your thoughts?
That had to be very difficult to break off your engagement but it sounds like you have gained much more than you gave up. Could it be that your fiancé was inhibiting your relationship with God? It’s very easy for us to allow possessions or people to become more important than God in our lives. The reason I wonder about this is because you mention that since your breakup you have gained “love, peace and forgiveness from the Word of God.”
I’m reminded of what the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 3. As he reflected on all the “good things” of his past in verses 4-6, he writes these words: “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:7-8).
I encourage you to continue going deep with God. It’s not a coincidence that you used the word “gained” in your question. If this breakup has caused you to break free of some things that were holding you back, then that’s a good thing.
Related to whether you should get back together with your former fiancé or to the possibility of meeting another man, the biggest question is this: Is he a sold-out Christ follower, who can lovingly lead you like Christ does His church? My dear sister, don’t compromise on this. Don’t allow yourself to become unequally yoked (see 2 Corinthians 6:14-18). Don’t settle for a spiritual slacker.
You say, “I want my ex as my husband” and yet you also seem to be serious about what God wants for you. Have you asked wise Christians for their counsel? What does your pastor think? It’s important to seek out the wisdom of those who know God’s Word and who know you well. Proverbs 15:22 is a helpful verse to commit to memory: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
In the meantime, my advice for you is to follow the sweet whisper of God found in Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.” The phrase “be still” not only means to be quiet; it also means to chill out and to cease striving. When you do, you will know God better…and you’ll also be in a better place to discern His will for your future (see Proverbs 3:5-6).