i need your miracle,elshadai....

oh father God what i really want is to be a mother , and a wife. that will make me so happy, cos i have so much love to give so Give me my own familly please,and get me out of this loneliness in my heart, and this guilty feeling i have b/c what i did in the past, forgive me please, and for me to conceive again would be a sign of your forgivness,,father please.
the other miracle is for you to give me a courage enough to go to school, open doors,so i could do something in the medical field, so i would have a purpose in everyday. please show me the meaning of life, give me some light lord....thanku for you are my healer, saviour, master and provider.