Resigned To A Lonely Fate & An Empty House

I spent half my life praying for companionship, and not even in the smallest degree were those prayers answered. At 30, I spent fifteen years dealing with the rainbow of negative responses and rejections. I was never good enough to be a father, husband, fiance, boyfriend, date worthy, and no one 'dared' go with me to Senior Prom (or any Formal for that matter). I heard about a medical procedure called "vasectomy" years ago, and received information from some doctors at that time. I hid it somewhere in my bookcase, so once I find it I'll start making calls and asking questions.