I was forced
Were you forced into a Church? I know the feeling. From 1996 to 2006 my wife forced me to get –depending how many had been born yet- 1 to 4 of my kids dressed and ready for church. I might have visited the Kaimuki Christian Church in Honolulu a dozen times in 10 years. Most of the time I just refused to go.
WHY should I go to a Christian church? For one I am a Jew was born a Jew. My parents did not practice Judaism nor had any spiritual beliefs and growing up in an Upper Middle Class home in a VERY comfortable Encino California neither did I. I was a tough spoiled kid who surrounded himself with other children that not only had no real religious upbringing, we felt the really strong believers of faith or worse, those big believers of Jesus were total weirdo’s. Jesus to me was a dying red neon sign on an old church flashing Jesus Saves. I could not believe what I stubbornly refused to understand.
Still, looking back, there were many experiences or challenges where as a very last resort I asked GOD for help. The first I remember, at about 11 going away to camp for a few months my dad told me if I lost my teeth retainer, don’t come home. One night I realized I lost my retainer on a field 2 miles away. I decided when everyone was asleep I’d go find it. I prayed in literal darkness the whole walk, “GOD please, please help me find my retainer.” When I got to the field I put my hand down on some dirt in the pitch black and there it was. A simple miracle. Still I continued to be a fair weather friend with God.
When I was 17 my brother was in a car accident and the doctors told my parents he wasn’t going to make it. I remember a feeling of such despair, a tunnel vision of falling down a dark hole with my stomach upside down and inside out. If there was a God, I needed him. I prayed to GOD. My brother made it. Still I was a fair weather friend to GOD
Years went by I read about Buddha, Allah, many Cults, was drawn too and fascinated with the psychology of the Holy Trinity but was unconscious to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit unless I was desperate. One year I even went to an Atheists Conference in New Orleans with my Mom. I also read about Atheists and their theories that we came from “pond scum” (which explains many of their personalities) yet no scientist can create life from non life. It’s never been done. It can’t be done. I was ultimately amazed at the weak facts of all the false prophets. I could find holes in everything, everything except the Old and New Testament. Why are so many afraid to reach out to Jesus? Why was I? Why was I nothing but a fair weather friend, really a non-believer of little faith? Why are so many of us afraid to believe he is God in flesh for no other purpose but to love and be loved by us? His ministry lasted but 3 years, 2000 years ago. No man has been talked about more; more words have been published about him than any person place or thing we know. In John 7:15-16 “The Jewish Leaders were surprised when they heard him preach, ‘ How can he know so much when he’s never been to our schools?’ So Jesus told them, “ I’m not teaching you my own thoughts, but those of God.” Friends, this is where I felt the rubber meets the road. “I’m not teaching you my own thoughts, but those of God.” Why must I Jim a mortal man be in such dark despair, a man of little faith when there is so much stark information that this man of flesh is God? Why was I afraid to have faith in this man, this God? Was it ridicule, ego, persecution? What? And why does total desperation erase all fear?
By 2002 I had 4 children, a two-income household living high up on Mauna Lani Circle with all the trimmings and my healthy, beautiful wife decided to become an alcoholic. There was and is no explanation. It got very bad where she would fall down 2 flights of hard wood stairs tumbling over and over head over heels. I’d pray as she came down the stairs that she would be OK. Miraculously and thankfully she always made it. Still I was a fair weather friend with God.
Her alcoholism worsened. She went to Psychiatrists, groups, went to Hina Mauka, nothing worked. She lost her job. My family was unwinding. Finances were a mess. I was falling apart with fear. One day in 2006 she drank a half a bottle of Vodka and drove with the children in the car. I told her if she ever did that again I would get a restraining order. A week latter picking my kids up at my wife’s well connected friends house, I was told by this friend I could not come in and get my children. The door was locked. I asked my 3 year old to unlock the door, she did. I went in and took my children home. An hour later, 4 police cars pulled up to my beautiful home in front of my children, my neighbors and I was arrested for Unlawful Entry, a felony with a possible 10-year sentence. While I was in jail my wife had me served a restraining order. I could not go near her, my home, my children and my business which was in my home.
A week later out on bail, living at friends, I got a call at 6 in the morning. It was a neighbor telling me my 3 year old was in the street naked and she couldn’t wake my wife up, she was breathing but out cold. “Jackie, go get Peyton out of the street PLEASE!” “Jim, I don’t want to get in the middle of this.” I drove up to my home and got Peyton, who was still in the street, got her dressed and took all my children to school. That afternoon I was arrested again for breaking the restraining order.
Jail was new experience to me. It is a horrendous experience. It’s cold, damp, absolutely frightening; I was nothing short of terrified, completely defeated, and humiliated. I was in a state of complete hopelessness. I threw up in my cell. I found myself whispering to GOD, “Jesus are you there? Can you please help me, help me find my way out of this?” Looking back, knowing what I know now, it wasn’t I reaching out to GOD and Jesus; it was HE reaching out to me! This fact was what I had to understand. I would evidentially get past the courts, win back my kids, the Kids Mom left the State, alone I tried to fix our lives and still I was simply a fair weather Friend to GOD.
We are all faced with monster problems. I’m a Dad raising 4 kids by myself that alone is indescribable. Problems, challenges in these times have a tendency to multiply especially if God is trying to get your attention. It was obvious no matter what Life threw at me the Lord would not let me go it alone but he did want to get my attention. In August of this year I got in the mail a KCC News Letter (which I got every month for the past decade) and I decided to write Pastor Ron, so I wrote him a letter, he wrote me back through his grasp of truth, We met.. I let go. He gently showed me a road of warmth, faith and hope and the fear subsided. I started to read scripture and all kinds of Christian books and started to understand that the despair is part of the plan and essentially it is a gift to help us surrender and allow faith to fill us, have love fill us so we can ultimately change our lives for the better. We must only be in the moment and direct the outcome to Jesus and God and let the Holy Sprit move mountains. I’m a sinner but through Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross, I can be forgiven for my sins and all he asks is that I love him? Who among us does not want to change their life for the better? And all I have to do is surrender and LOVE this sinless Man who is God? Where do I sign up?
I was baptized a month ago. I feel different. I can feel real warmth in how I relate to others. I really feel your love. Colors are brighter, I “hear” words clearer, I’m more patient, and my children tell me I’m easier to be around. They are -without a doubt- closer to me, I know I have purpose. I have hope. I ride my bicycle a lot and many times I find Jesus sitting on my handle bar, his hair is blowing in my face, he’s smiling almost laughing, loving the experience but not nearly as much as I.
WHY should I go to a Christian church? For one I am a Jew was born a Jew. My parents did not practice Judaism nor had any spiritual beliefs and growing up in an Upper Middle Class home in a VERY comfortable Encino California neither did I. I was a tough spoiled kid who surrounded himself with other children that not only had no real religious upbringing, we felt the really strong believers of faith or worse, those big believers of Jesus were total weirdo’s. Jesus to me was a dying red neon sign on an old church flashing Jesus Saves. I could not believe what I stubbornly refused to understand.
Still, looking back, there were many experiences or challenges where as a very last resort I asked GOD for help. The first I remember, at about 11 going away to camp for a few months my dad told me if I lost my teeth retainer, don’t come home. One night I realized I lost my retainer on a field 2 miles away. I decided when everyone was asleep I’d go find it. I prayed in literal darkness the whole walk, “GOD please, please help me find my retainer.” When I got to the field I put my hand down on some dirt in the pitch black and there it was. A simple miracle. Still I continued to be a fair weather friend with God.
When I was 17 my brother was in a car accident and the doctors told my parents he wasn’t going to make it. I remember a feeling of such despair, a tunnel vision of falling down a dark hole with my stomach upside down and inside out. If there was a God, I needed him. I prayed to GOD. My brother made it. Still I was a fair weather friend to GOD
Years went by I read about Buddha, Allah, many Cults, was drawn too and fascinated with the psychology of the Holy Trinity but was unconscious to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit unless I was desperate. One year I even went to an Atheists Conference in New Orleans with my Mom. I also read about Atheists and their theories that we came from “pond scum” (which explains many of their personalities) yet no scientist can create life from non life. It’s never been done. It can’t be done. I was ultimately amazed at the weak facts of all the false prophets. I could find holes in everything, everything except the Old and New Testament. Why are so many afraid to reach out to Jesus? Why was I? Why was I nothing but a fair weather friend, really a non-believer of little faith? Why are so many of us afraid to believe he is God in flesh for no other purpose but to love and be loved by us? His ministry lasted but 3 years, 2000 years ago. No man has been talked about more; more words have been published about him than any person place or thing we know. In John 7:15-16 “The Jewish Leaders were surprised when they heard him preach, ‘ How can he know so much when he’s never been to our schools?’ So Jesus told them, “ I’m not teaching you my own thoughts, but those of God.” Friends, this is where I felt the rubber meets the road. “I’m not teaching you my own thoughts, but those of God.” Why must I Jim a mortal man be in such dark despair, a man of little faith when there is so much stark information that this man of flesh is God? Why was I afraid to have faith in this man, this God? Was it ridicule, ego, persecution? What? And why does total desperation erase all fear?
By 2002 I had 4 children, a two-income household living high up on Mauna Lani Circle with all the trimmings and my healthy, beautiful wife decided to become an alcoholic. There was and is no explanation. It got very bad where she would fall down 2 flights of hard wood stairs tumbling over and over head over heels. I’d pray as she came down the stairs that she would be OK. Miraculously and thankfully she always made it. Still I was a fair weather friend with God.
Her alcoholism worsened. She went to Psychiatrists, groups, went to Hina Mauka, nothing worked. She lost her job. My family was unwinding. Finances were a mess. I was falling apart with fear. One day in 2006 she drank a half a bottle of Vodka and drove with the children in the car. I told her if she ever did that again I would get a restraining order. A week latter picking my kids up at my wife’s well connected friends house, I was told by this friend I could not come in and get my children. The door was locked. I asked my 3 year old to unlock the door, she did. I went in and took my children home. An hour later, 4 police cars pulled up to my beautiful home in front of my children, my neighbors and I was arrested for Unlawful Entry, a felony with a possible 10-year sentence. While I was in jail my wife had me served a restraining order. I could not go near her, my home, my children and my business which was in my home.
A week later out on bail, living at friends, I got a call at 6 in the morning. It was a neighbor telling me my 3 year old was in the street naked and she couldn’t wake my wife up, she was breathing but out cold. “Jackie, go get Peyton out of the street PLEASE!” “Jim, I don’t want to get in the middle of this.” I drove up to my home and got Peyton, who was still in the street, got her dressed and took all my children to school. That afternoon I was arrested again for breaking the restraining order.
Jail was new experience to me. It is a horrendous experience. It’s cold, damp, absolutely frightening; I was nothing short of terrified, completely defeated, and humiliated. I was in a state of complete hopelessness. I threw up in my cell. I found myself whispering to GOD, “Jesus are you there? Can you please help me, help me find my way out of this?” Looking back, knowing what I know now, it wasn’t I reaching out to GOD and Jesus; it was HE reaching out to me! This fact was what I had to understand. I would evidentially get past the courts, win back my kids, the Kids Mom left the State, alone I tried to fix our lives and still I was simply a fair weather Friend to GOD.
We are all faced with monster problems. I’m a Dad raising 4 kids by myself that alone is indescribable. Problems, challenges in these times have a tendency to multiply especially if God is trying to get your attention. It was obvious no matter what Life threw at me the Lord would not let me go it alone but he did want to get my attention. In August of this year I got in the mail a KCC News Letter (which I got every month for the past decade) and I decided to write Pastor Ron, so I wrote him a letter, he wrote me back through his grasp of truth, We met.. I let go. He gently showed me a road of warmth, faith and hope and the fear subsided. I started to read scripture and all kinds of Christian books and started to understand that the despair is part of the plan and essentially it is a gift to help us surrender and allow faith to fill us, have love fill us so we can ultimately change our lives for the better. We must only be in the moment and direct the outcome to Jesus and God and let the Holy Sprit move mountains. I’m a sinner but through Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross, I can be forgiven for my sins and all he asks is that I love him? Who among us does not want to change their life for the better? And all I have to do is surrender and LOVE this sinless Man who is God? Where do I sign up?
I was baptized a month ago. I feel different. I can feel real warmth in how I relate to others. I really feel your love. Colors are brighter, I “hear” words clearer, I’m more patient, and my children tell me I’m easier to be around. They are -without a doubt- closer to me, I know I have purpose. I have hope. I ride my bicycle a lot and many times I find Jesus sitting on my handle bar, his hair is blowing in my face, he’s smiling almost laughing, loving the experience but not nearly as much as I.
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